by Gregg Krech

"If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow: and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

Soon we will be lifting our heads towards the sky to witness the dazzling display of fireworks that marks the celebration of Independence Day. It's a wonderful opportunity to reflect on our good fortune of being born, through no effort of our own, on the soil of a country which offers us a great deal of freedom. We can easily take this freedom for granted. We mostly go where we want to go, say what we want to say, worship the way we want to worship -- and pay little attention to this gift of freedom.

But freedom is different from independence. Independence implies that we are not

Continue reading "Beyond Fireworks: Celebrating our Interdependence" »

by Gregg Krech

For the past twenty years I have been conducting retreats in which a person spends a week reflecting on his or her entire life (Naikan retreat). A participant always begins with her mother and a central part of the reflection is remembering the details of what was received from her mother from the time of her birth until the present day. But in many cases, the person’s mother has already died. On Mother’s day, how do we create a celebration for our mother when she is no longer alive. Here are a five possible ideas:

1. Spend time reflecting on your mother using Naikan’s three questions.

You can select a period of your life, generally a three year period before you left home, and spend 45-60 minutes reflecting on the following three questions

a. What did I receive from my mother?
b. What did I give to my mother?
c. What troubles and difficulties did I cause my mother?

2. Plant a tree or perennial in your mother’s name

At our retreat center, the ToDo Institute, we plant trees for people who become Life Members. Some of these people ask that the tree be planted in the name of their mother. We planted an ornamental cherry tree in the name of my friend Sue’s mom and each spring it bursts into beautiful blossoms.

3. Write your mother a thank you letter

Even though you mother may not be alive, you can still write her a thank you letter. Try to be specific and thank her for specific efforts she made (like the time she took you to the emergency room when you broke your ankle) rather than for generalities like cooking, housekeeping and care. What did she actually do to show you she loved you? You may wish to have a quiet ceremony at her grave or in your home to read your letter to her.

Continue reading "Celebrating Mother's Day If Your Mother Has Died" »

The other day I was walking down our driveway which had become icy as a result of sleet, freezing rain, a warm sun, and then cold frigid temperatures. One large segment of the driveway was like a skating rink. Even if you walked very carefully, it was almost impossible to cross the ice without slipping and falling. So I decided to simply go around the ice by walking alongside the driveway where there were still several inches of crusty, hard snow. By going around the ice, I was able to continue my walk without confronting the ice directly.

This is the strategy Morita therapy offers for dealing with the challenging feeling-states we all face from time to time – depression, fear, anxiety, despair, frustration and even anger. We are generally taught that we must . . .

Continue reading "Overcoming by Going Around" »

by Gregg Krech

A new year is upon us, or so it seems. It’s time for resolutions --
a contest between will and habit. A time for making plans.
A time for dreaming of what we wish will happen.

The first dream of the year;

I kept it secret,

And smiled to myself.

- Sho-u

For human beings we make the change of years black and white. We
like well defined borders to time and territory. 2007 becomes 2008. One moment, this; next moment, that. How long will it take us to get used to writing
the checks correctly — a contest of attention and habit.

Nature prefers gradual transformation.
Comings and goings are less precise.
The sun sets and leaves a fading residue of daylight behind.

There’s a new calendar on my wall.
The emptiness of the little squares on each page gives me a sense of leisure,
As if the new year has brought a reprieve
from all tasks and appointments.

New Year’s Day;

I do not hate

Those who trample on the snow.

-Yayu

Yayu likes a fresh, glistening carpet of snow, and he is . . .

Print the entire essay or read the remaining essay HERE.

by Gregg Krech

The idea of a holiday spirit can be an elusive reality. We have these wonderful images of what we would like our experience to be during the holiday season. Everyone is joyful. Everyone is relaxed and in a good mood. The family sits around the fireplace or Christmas tree, sipping hot apple cider, and engulfed in good cheer and the music of the season. Everyone gets along. Everyone is considerate of one another.

Then I wake up from my dream as I hear my 8 year old daughter in the living room:

“It’s Tuesday, so it’s your turn to fold the laundry.”
“No,” says her 10 year old sister. “The laundry was dry yesterday, so it’s your turn.”

In the background, the stereo is playing Silent Night as the musical score for their holiday script.

The holiday season is stacked with forces that work against a heartfelt spirit, pulling us towards something more frantic and frustrating. Some of those forces are:

1. Rushing. We’re rushing to get all the presents bought in time. We’re rushing to get the cards in the mail. We’re rushing to get everything shipped. The holidays are busy time, so we have to squeeze more activity into the same number of hours. It’s a challenge to feel joyful when you’re late for movies, parties, school plays, haircut appointments and everything else on your schedule this season.

2. Selfishness. The holidays are supposed to be a time for giving, but they easily become a time for “getting” – particularly amongst kids who get preoccupied with their Christmas list and making sure that everyone, including Santa, is clear on what they want. Generosity is important, provided the recipient of that generosity is “me.”

Continue reading "Cultivating the Holiday Spirit - Part II" »

by Gregg Krech

I finished rereading David Steindl-Rast’s article on Gratitude and Surprise which we use in our ToDo Institute Course on Self-Reflection Here’s an excerpt from the article:

Gratefulness can be improved by practice. But where shall beginners begin? The obvious starting point is surprise. You will find that you can grow the seeds of gratefulness just by making room. If surprise happens when something unexpected shows up, let’s not expect anything at all. Let’s follow Alice Walker’s advice: “Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.”

In the essay he discusses how we can cultivate gratitude by being surprised by things instead of just expecting them. But I’m also extrapolating from his suggestion that we can bring greater joy and gratitude to others by “surprising them” more often. We expect

Continue reading "Cultivating a Holiday Spirit - Part I" »

by Gregg Krech

For many people Thanksgiving has ceased to be a celebration of thankfulness. Too often it is dominated by the pressures of family reconnecting, the worries over the meal, the seduction of football games and the overindulgence in an excess of food. Even if it is an enjoyable occasion, it may still do little to help us reflect on the good fortune of our lives and express our gratitude for those blessings.

So how do we reclaim a Thanksgiving spirit in our celebration of Thanksgiving? Here are a few ideas for changing how the day is designed. Not everybody will wish to participate in these activities, but you can suggest them and make sure you create enough opportunities for yourself to not only enjoy the holiday, but use it as a rekindling of gratitude as we launch the holiday season.

1. Invite those who are joining you for the holiday to bring a reading or quote that represents the spirit of Thanksgiving,

2. Spend 30 min. of quiet time in the morning reflecting and making a list of all the ways your life has been blessed this past year. Invite other members of your family to join you, even children

3. While you are cooking, reflect on all the efforts and lives that have been given to make your meal possible. Consider all the objects and types of energy that give you the opportunity to cook. Keep your attention focused on what you are doing and what makes it possible for you to do those things.

4. At the beginning of the meal say a grace.

5. Have a bell available on the table (or suggest that people clink a glass) that allows people to signal when they have something they would like to read or share with the group. When the person reads, everyone should pause from eating and listen. The readings should be short, a paragraph or less. This allows the spirit of Thanksgiving to continually arise while everyone eats.

Continue reading "Ten Ideas for a Thankful Thanksgiving" »

By Gregg Krech

Have you ever had this experience?

Your alarm goes off and you find yourself laying in bed as your mind and body begin to awake to the morning. Your mind quickly gets into gear like a computer booting up when you hit the “on” button. Thoughts begin to arise. You begin thinking about the day, about everything you have to do today. Meetings, deadlines, phone calls that need to be made. You begin anticipating the overwhelming demands that life will place on you today. Periodically, your mind slips in a wild card, like, “I should have gone to bed earlier”, or, “why did I wasted my time watching that stupid TV show last night?” You think about your schedule. Your to-do list begins to take form like a genie mysteriously emerging from a bottle, but instead of granting you a wish it’s reminding you of how much you need to do today. When you finally emerge from your warm bed and your bare feet make contact with the floor you’ve created some fuel for getting the day started. But what kind of fuel is it? It’s the fuel of anxiety, of stress over how much there is to do. It’s the fuel of depression about how impossible this life is and how challenging the coming day is likely to be. It’s the fuel of self-absorption and anticipation – the fuel of fear that you won’t be able to handle what life will place in your path today.

Is this the fuel you want to use to get yourself going this morning?

An alternative is to use those first few moments . . .

Continue reading "First Awareness - How to Wake Up" »

by Gregg Krech

There’s a story in which three disciples of St. Francis come to him and ask his blessing to go into the desert and live as devout Christian hermits. He says that he’ll gladly give his blessing provided they live together rather than separately. St. Francis knew that relationships provide the highest level of spiritual training. If you can forge an intimate relationship with a partner and live together in the same home for many years, you have a training ground that surpasses the most rigorous monastery.

Linda and I have been together for nearly twenty years and we are continuously confronted by the need to resolve differences, solve problems and somehow find a way to accept the other person as a complete package rather than trying to engineer modifications according to our own desires and designs. I felt some comfort in discovering that Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman claims that 69 percent of all marital conflicts never go away. So if you feel frustrated because you and your spouse seem to have the same argument over and over again, you have plenty of company. Knowing that so many other couples get stuck in the misery of repeated conflict may give you some comfort, but it doesn’t help you solve the problem.

So over the next few weeks I’d like to offer a few ideas that can help put your relationship on a healthier track. Rudolf Driekers, the parenting expert from the sixties, says that your relationship can either be a catalyst to bring out the best in both of you, or bring out the worst in both of you. If you can . . .

Continue reading "Spirituality and Relationships – Finding Common Ground" »

by Gregg Krech

A student asked Adyashanti, “What is the teacher’s role in life?” He said, “To be themselves. That is the teacher’s teaching.”

This past Spring I had the privilege of giving the dharma talk for the Ohigan holiday at the Orange County Buddhist Temple in California. In my talk I spoke of different types of travelers and different highways. One of those highways is called the Self-Importance Superhighway (SIS). This is a very busy highway and many people stay on this highway their whole life. That’s unfortunate because it's a very unpleasant drive with lots of traffic. People are always cutting each other off as they try to get in front of one another. They think they should be able to get in front of the other person because what they have to do is so important. There are signs on the highway that say, "Be Proud of Your Success" and "You Deserve the Best." On this highway people are trapped by a self-focused and self-important perspective. Everything is Me, me, me and I, I, I. If they hear about an event they immediately think "How will this affect me?" If they see something interesting or attractive, they think "I would love to have one of those." On the SIS, everybody goes in one direction. And that direction is "How can I gain more/How can I be happier?" Everybody is trying to find the exit ramp for the destination of happiness and personal gain, but they are frustrated because they can't find it. So they just drive faster, but they stay on the same highway. Everybody is searching for happiness, but the drivers aren't happy at all. They aren't enjoying the drive -- they’re mostly frustrated. Please understand that the people who drive on this highway don't think of

Continue reading "The Self-Important Traveler" »