Thirty Thousand Days

by Gregg Krech

A student asked Adyashanti, “What is the teacher’s role in life?” He said, “To be themselves. That is the teacher’s teaching.”

This past Spring I had the privilege of giving the dharma talk for the Ohigan holiday at the Orange County Buddhist Temple in California. In my talk I spoke of different types of travelers and different highways. One of those highways is called the Self-Importance Superhighway (SIS). This is a very busy highway and many people stay on this highway their whole life. That’s unfortunate because it's a very unpleasant drive with lots of traffic. People are always cutting each other off as they try to get in front of one another. They think they should be able to get in front of the other person because what they have to do is so important. There are signs on the highway that say, "Be Proud of Your Success" and "You Deserve the Best." On this highway people are trapped by a self-focused and self-important perspective. Everything is Me, me, me and I, I, I. If they hear about an event they immediately think "How will this affect me?" If they see something interesting or attractive, they think "I would love to have one of those." On the SIS, everybody goes in one direction. And that direction is "How can I gain more/How can I be happier?" Everybody is trying to find the exit ramp for the destination of happiness and personal gain, but they are frustrated because they can't find it. So they just drive faster, but they stay on the same highway. Everybody is searching for happiness, but the drivers aren't happy at all. They aren't enjoying the drive -- they’re mostly frustrated. Please understand that the people who drive on this highway don't think of

by Gregg Krech

There’s a story in which three disciples of St. Francis come to him and ask his blessing to go into the desert and live as devout Christian hermits. He says that he’ll gladly give his blessing provided they live together rather than separately. St. Francis knew that relationships provide the highest level of spiritual training. If you can forge an intimate relationship with a partner and live together in the same home for many years, you have a training ground that surpasses the most rigorous monastery.

Linda and I have been together for nearly twenty years and we are continuously confronted by the need to resolve differences, solve problems and somehow find a way to accept the other person as a complete package rather than trying to engineer modifications according to our own desires and designs. I felt some comfort in discovering that Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman claims that 69 percent of all marital conflicts never go away. So if you feel frustrated because you and your spouse seem to have the same argument over and over again, you have plenty of company. Knowing that so many other couples get stuck in the misery of repeated conflict may give you some comfort, but it doesn’t help you solve the problem.

So over the next few weeks I’d like to offer a few ideas that can help put your relationship on a healthier track. Rudolf Driekers, the parenting expert from the sixties, says that your relationship can either be a catalyst to bring out the best in both of you, or bring out the worst in both of you. If you can . . .