by Gregg Krech
I finished rereading David Steindl-Rast’s article on Gratitude and Surprise which we use in our ToDo Institute Course on Self-Reflection Here’s an excerpt from the article:
Gratefulness can be improved by practice. But where shall beginners begin? The obvious starting point is surprise. You will find that you can grow the seeds of gratefulness just by making room. If surprise happens when something unexpected shows up, let’s not expect anything at all. Let’s follow Alice Walker’s advice: “Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.”
In the essay he discusses how we can cultivate gratitude by being surprised by things instead of just expecting them. But I’m also extrapolating from his suggestion that we can bring greater joy and gratitude to others by “surprising them” more often. We expect
to get a card or gift from our best friend or spouse on our birthday, but think of what a treat it is to send something to someone out of the blue. They open their mailbox and there’s a gift, or card, or photo, or something sweet that expresses your appreciation for their role in your life. This can make a person’s day.
Last year, during the Christmas holidays, we went to a late afternoon dinner at the Unitarian church. It was a pot luck and about 20 people were there. The meal went quite well with good food and good conversation – a wonderful holiday dinner, but nothing particularly surprising. I noticed a grand piano in the corner of the room. The piano was actually covered with a blanket, almost a statement saying, “leave me alone, I’m not available for playing.” I toyed with the idea of just sitting down and playing something. I’m not a particularly accomplished pianist, but one of the pieces I can play moderately well is George Winston’s piece entitled “Thanksgiving.” As I contemplated playing all kinds of thoughts went through my mind:
“I haven’t practiced for a while”
“I’ll be disturbing the conversation of people at the table”
“They really don’t want people using the piano”
In spite of these thoughts, as desert was being served, I sat down and played. People must have been surprised because half the people wandered over, probably just to see who was playing. I played one other selection and then turned the keyboard over to my 7 year old daughter and another little girl who new some simple tunes. As the evening progressed I received very sweet complements from so many of the guests (which surprised me!). The music stood out because nobody expected it. Everybody expected turkey, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. But nobody expected George Winston’s version of Thanksgiving. It was a surprise.
What a simple formulae this is for bringing joy and gratitude into the lives of others. Our surprise does not need to be perfect (I made several mistakes) or expensive. It just needs to be unexpected and designed to bring some momentary joy to the recipient. I’ve seen the same dynamic with my children. They can be flooded with wonderful presents on or around their birthday and most of the gifts simply get lost in the shuffle. But if I bring them home a little $2 gift from a thrift shop for no other reason that to show them I was thinking about them, they are so excited that they can hardly stop hugging me (they have me well trained).
So surprise is both a way to cultivate gratitude in our own lives and a way to bring joy and stimulate gratitude in the lives of others. What a simple little piece of wisdom to discover.
Best wishes for a wonderful, and surprising, holiday season.
Warm regards,
Gregg Krech
Getting off to a good start in the New Year
A ToDo Institute Webcast - January 5th and 8th (1 hour each)
www.todoinstitute.org/ldlp.html