by Gregg Krech
The idea of a holiday spirit can be an elusive reality. We have these wonderful images of what we would like our experience to be during the holiday season. Everyone is joyful. Everyone is relaxed and in a good mood. The family sits around the fireplace or Christmas tree, sipping hot apple cider, and engulfed in good cheer and the music of the season. Everyone gets along. Everyone is considerate of one another.
Then I wake up from my dream as I hear my 8 year old daughter in the living room:
“It’s Tuesday, so it’s your turn to fold the laundry.”
“No,” says her 10 year old sister. “The laundry was dry yesterday, so it’s your turn.”
In the background, the stereo is playing Silent Night as the musical score for their holiday script.
The holiday season is stacked with forces that work against a heartfelt spirit, pulling us towards something more frantic and frustrating. Some of those forces are:
1. Rushing. We’re rushing to get all the presents bought in time. We’re rushing to get the cards in the mail. We’re rushing to get everything shipped. The holidays are busy time, so we have to squeeze more activity into the same number of hours. It’s a challenge to feel joyful when you’re late for movies, parties, school plays, haircut appointments and everything else on your schedule this season.
2. Selfishness. The holidays are supposed to be a time for giving, but they easily become a time for “getting” – particularly amongst kids who get preoccupied with their Christmas list and making sure that everyone, including Santa, is clear on what they want. Generosity is important, provided the recipient of that generosity is “me.”
3. Shopping. Gift-giving is certainly an important element of the holiday spirit, but it can quickly turn into the antithesis of kindness as we get caught up in shopping malls, store sales, holiday traffic and hours of computer time navigating on-line stores. Searching for a sweet gift for someone we care about is supplanted by the frenzied effort to find something, anything, that is affordable and let’s us cross that person off our list so we feel we have made progress.
Is there a way to recapture the values of compassion, joy, kindness, gratitude and service during the holiday season, or is it a lost cause?
We need strategies for the holidays that act as antidotes to the spirit-devastating forces mentioned above. Here are some ideas that my family has used over the years:
Decorating the Christmas Tree
If you have a Christmas Tree, you probably decorate it with lights and ornaments. One of the nice rituals we have is to make the hanging of ornaments a multi-night activity in which each ornament is selected and thoughtfully dedicated to someone who has a meaningful connection to our family. We lay out the ornaments on the table in front of the tree, and then we take turns selecting an ornament, announcing who we are dedicating it to, and finding a nice spot for it on the tree. Everyone gives undivided attention to the person making the dedication. Our two girls, ages 8 and 10, have been part of this ritual for the past few years and not only does it help us remember the people who have supported our family, but the end result is a decorated tree that is full of life and gratitude and memories of the kindness of others.
Tagging People with the Holiday Spirit
We made up a little game in which we each start with a card that says, “You’ve been tagged with the Holiday Spirit.” When we do something special for someone else in our family, we pass on the card to them. What is given varies tremendously. It could be hanging up someone’s clothes, a foot massage, or finding something that was misplaced. The person gets the card and then they look for opportunities to “tag” someone else – to get rid of their card. When this game is working well, the cards keep moving around and acts of kindness dominate the household. When it’s not working , people lose the cards and complain about the inequality in slices of apple pie.
There’s a certain amount of chaos and calamity that we have to embrace to enjoy the holiday season. Like all the seasons, things will not go according to plan and the recognition of that helps us to let go of our idealized expectations. Yet it is still valuable to cultivate a holiday spirit in which we remember the teachings of Jesus, Buddha, and others who modeled a way of living in the world that we wish to emulate with our lives. The holiday season can, and should, get us more closely in touch with the ideals of such a life.