Thirty Thousand Days http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/ Psychology from Japan (Morita and Naikan therapies) which blends the practical, psychological and spiritual. Key themes include gratitude, overcoming procrastination, mindfulness and living on purpose. en Copyright 2008 Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:01:26 -0500 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Beyond Fireworks: Celebrating our Interdependence "If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow: and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either." -Thich Nhat Hanh fireworks.jpg Soon we will be lifting our heads towards the sky to witness the dazzling display of fireworks that marks the celebration of Independence Day. It's a wonderful opportunity to reflect on our good fortune of being born, through no effort of our own, on the soil of a country which offers us a great deal of freedom. We can easily take this freedom for granted. We mostly go where we want to go, say what we want to say, worship the way we want to worship -- and pay little attention to this gift of freedom. But freedom is different from independence. Independence implies that we are not ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/06/beyond_fireworks_celebrating_o.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/06/beyond_fireworks_celebrating_o.html Naikan Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:01:26 -0500 Celebrating Mother's Day If Your Mother Has Died mother_grave.jpg For the past twenty years I have been conducting retreats in which a person spends a week reflecting on his or her entire life (Naikan retreat). A participant always begins with her mother and a central part of the reflection is remembering the details of what was received from her mother from the time of her birth until the present day. But in many cases, the person’s mother has already died. On Mother’s day, how do we create a celebration for our mother when she is no longer alive. Here are a five possible ideas: 1. Spend time reflecting on your mother using Naikan’s three questions. You can select a period of your life, generally a three year period before you left home, and spend 45-60 minutes reflecting on the following three questions a. What did I receive from my mother? b. What did I give to my mother? c. What troubles and difficulties did I cause my mother? 2. Plant a tree or perennial in your mother’s name At our retreat center, the ToDo Institute, we plant trees for people who become Life Members. Some of these people ask that the tree be planted in the name of their mother. We planted an ornamental cherry tree in the name of my friend Sue’s mom and each spring it bursts into beautiful blossoms. 3. Write your mother a thank you letter Even though you mother may not be alive, you can still write her a thank you letter. Try to be specific and thank her for specific efforts she made (like the time she took you to the emergency room when you broke your ankle) rather than for generalities like cooking, housekeeping and care. What did she actually do to show you she loved you? You may wish to have a quiet ceremony at her grave or in your home to read your letter to her. ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/05/celebrating_mothers_day_if_you.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/05/celebrating_mothers_day_if_you.html Naikan Gratitude Mother's Day Naikan Self-reflection Fri, 09 May 2008 09:31:35 -0500 Overcoming by Going Around Boulder%20go%20around.jpg The other day I was walking down our driveway which had become icy as a result of sleet, freezing rain, a warm sun, and then cold frigid temperatures. One large segment of the driveway was like a skating rink. Even if you walked very carefully, it was almost impossible to cross the ice without slipping and falling. So I decided to simply go around the ice by walking alongside the driveway where there were still several inches of crusty, hard snow. By going around the ice, I was able to continue my walk without confronting the ice directly. This is the strategy Morita therapy offers for dealing with the challenging feeling-states we all face from time to time – depression, fear, anxiety, despair, frustration and even anger. We are generally taught that we must . . . ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/02/overcoming_by_going_around.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2008/02/overcoming_by_going_around.html Spiritual Practice Acceptance Buddhism Morita Therapy Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:38:32 -0500 A Haiku New Year Haiku%20Bird.jpg A new year is upon us, or so it seems. It’s time for resolutions -- a contest between will and habit. A time for making plans. A time for dreaming of what we wish will happen.
The first dream of the year; I kept it secret, And smiled to myself. - Sho-u
For human beings we make the change of years black and white. We like well defined borders to time and territory. 2007 becomes 2008. One moment, this; next moment, that. How long will it take us to get used to writing the checks correctly — a contest of attention and habit. Nature prefers gradual transformation. Comings and goings are less precise. The sun sets and leaves a fading residue of daylight behind. There’s a new calendar on my wall. The emptiness of the little squares on each page gives me a sense of leisure, As if the new year has brought a reprieve from all tasks and appointments.
New Year’s Day; I do not hate Those who trample on the snow. -Yayu
Yayu likes a fresh, glistening carpet of snow, and he is . . . Print the entire essay or read the remaining essay HERE.]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/a_haiku_new_year.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/a_haiku_new_year.html Spiritual Practice haiku Naikan new year self-reflection Fri, 28 Dec 2007 10:00:27 -0500 Cultivating the Holiday Spirit - Part II The idea of a holiday spirit can be an elusive reality. We have these wonderful images of what we would like our experience to be during the holiday season. Everyone is joyful. Everyone is relaxed and in a good mood. The family sits around the fireplace or Christmas tree, sipping hot apple cider, and engulfed in good cheer and the music of the season. Everyone gets along. Everyone is considerate of one another. Then I wake up from my dream as I hear my 8 year old daughter in the living room: “It’s Tuesday, so it’s your turn to fold the laundry.” “No,” says her 10 year old sister. “The laundry was dry yesterday, so it’s your turn.” In the background, the stereo is playing Silent Night as the musical score for their holiday script. The holiday season is stacked with forces that work against a heartfelt spirit, pulling us towards something more frantic and frustrating. Some of those forces are: 1. Rushing. We’re rushing to get all the presents bought in time. We’re rushing to get the cards in the mail. We’re rushing to get everything shipped. The holidays are busy time, so we have to squeeze more activity into the same number of hours. It’s a challenge to feel joyful when you’re late for movies, parties, school plays, haircut appointments and everything else on your schedule this season. 2. Selfishness. The holidays are supposed to be a time for giving, but they easily become a time for “getting” – particularly amongst kids who get preoccupied with their Christmas list and making sure that everyone, including Santa, is clear on what they want. Generosity is important, provided the recipient of that generosity is “me.” ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/cultivating_the_holiday_spirit.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/cultivating_the_holiday_spirit.html Gratitude celebration christmas gratitude holiday Tue, 18 Dec 2007 13:55:06 -0500 Cultivating a Holiday Spirit - Part I I finished rereading David Steindl-Rast’s article on Gratitude and Surprise which we use in our ToDo Institute Course on Self-Reflection Here’s an excerpt from the article: Gratefulness can be improved by practice. But where shall beginners begin? The obvious starting point is surprise. You will find that you can grow the seeds of gratefulness just by making room. If surprise happens when something unexpected shows up, let’s not expect anything at all. Let’s follow Alice Walker’s advice: “Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.” In the essay he discusses how we can cultivate gratitude by being surprised by things instead of just expecting them. But I’m also extrapolating from his suggestion that we can bring greater joy and gratitude to others by “surprising them” more often. We expect ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/cultivating_a_holiday_spirit_p.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/12/cultivating_a_holiday_spirit_p.html Gratitude gratitude holiday Naikan service Sat, 08 Dec 2007 12:50:55 -0500 Ten Ideas for a Thankful Thanksgiving For many people Thanksgiving has ceased to be a celebration of thankfulness. Too often it is dominated by the pressures of family reconnecting, the worries over the meal, the seduction of football games and the overindulgence in an excess of food. Even if it is an enjoyable occasion, it may still do little to help us reflect on the good fortune of our lives and express our gratitude for those blessings. So how do we reclaim a Thanksgiving spirit in our celebration of Thanksgiving? Here are a few ideas for changing how the day is designed. Not everybody will wish to participate in these activities, but you can suggest them and make sure you create enough opportunities for yourself to not only enjoy the holiday, but use it as a rekindling of gratitude as we launch the holiday season. 1. Invite those who are joining you for the holiday to bring a reading or quote that represents the spirit of Thanksgiving, 2. Spend 30 min. of quiet time in the morning reflecting and making a list of all the ways your life has been blessed this past year. Invite other members of your family to join you, even children 3. While you are cooking, reflect on all the efforts and lives that have been given to make your meal possible. Consider all the objects and types of energy that give you the opportunity to cook. Keep your attention focused on what you are doing and what makes it possible for you to do those things. 4. At the beginning of the meal say a grace. 5. Have a bell available on the table (or suggest that people clink a glass) that allows people to signal when they have something they would like to read or share with the group. When the person reads, everyone should pause from eating and listen. The readings should be short, a paragraph or less. This allows the spirit of Thanksgiving to continually arise while everyone eats. ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/11/ten_ideas_for_a_thankful_thank.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/11/ten_ideas_for_a_thankful_thank.html Naikan gratitude holidays Naikan thanksgiving Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:06:21 -0500 First Awareness - How to Wake Up Have you ever had this experience? Your alarm goes off and you find yourself laying in bed as your mind and body begin to awake to the morning. Your mind quickly gets into gear like a computer booting up when you hit the “on” button. Thoughts begin to arise. You begin thinking about the day, about everything you have to do today. Meetings, deadlines, phone calls that need to be made. You begin anticipating the overwhelming demands that life will place on you today. Periodically, your mind slips in a wild card, like, “I should have gone to bed earlier”, or, “why did I wasted my time watching that stupid TV show last night?” You think about your schedule. Your to-do list begins to take form like a genie mysteriously emerging from a bottle, but instead of granting you a wish it’s reminding you of how much you need to do today. When you finally emerge from your warm bed and your bare feet make contact with the floor you’ve created some fuel for getting the day started. But what kind of fuel is it? It’s the fuel of anxiety, of stress over how much there is to do. It’s the fuel of depression about how impossible this life is and how challenging the coming day is likely to be. It’s the fuel of self-absorption and anticipation – the fuel of fear that you won’t be able to handle what life will place in your path today. Is this the fuel you want to use to get yourself going this morning? An alternative is to use those first few moments . . . ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/09/first_awareness_how_to_wake_up.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/09/first_awareness_how_to_wake_up.html Mindfulness Naikan attention awareness mindfulness waking up Tue, 18 Sep 2007 10:45:26 -0500 Spirituality and Relationships – Finding Common Ground There’s a story in which three disciples of St. Francis come to him and ask his blessing to go into the desert and live as devout Christian hermits. He says that he’ll gladly give his blessing provided they live together rather than separately. St. Francis knew that relationships provide the highest level of spiritual training. If you can forge an intimate relationship with a partner and live together in the same home for many years, you have a training ground that surpasses the most rigorous monastery. Linda and I have been together for nearly twenty years and we are continuously confronted by the need to resolve differences, solve problems and somehow find a way to accept the other person as a complete package rather than trying to engineer modifications according to our own desires and designs. I felt some comfort in discovering that Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman claims that 69 percent of all marital conflicts never go away. So if you feel frustrated because you and your spouse seem to have the same argument over and over again, you have plenty of company. Knowing that so many other couples get stuck in the misery of repeated conflict may give you some comfort, but it doesn’t help you solve the problem. So over the next few weeks I’d like to offer a few ideas that can help put your relationship on a healthier track. Rudolf Driekers, the parenting expert from the sixties, says that your relationship can either be a catalyst to bring out the best in both of you, or bring out the worst in both of you. If you can . . . ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/08/spirituality_and_relationships.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/08/spirituality_and_relationships.html Relationships Conflict Resolution Love Marriage Relationships Spirituality Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:07:10 -0500 The Self-Important Traveler
A student asked Adyashanti, “What is the teacher’s role in life?” He said, “To be themselves. That is the teacher’s teaching.”
This past Spring I had the privilege of giving the dharma talk for the Ohigan holiday at the Orange County Buddhist Temple in California. In my talk I spoke of different types of travelers and different highways. One of those highways is called the Self-Importance Superhighway (SIS). This is a very busy highway and many people stay on this highway their whole life. That’s unfortunate because it's a very unpleasant drive with lots of traffic. People are always cutting each other off as they try to get in front of one another. They think they should be able to get in front of the other person because what they have to do is so important. There are signs on the highway that say, "Be Proud of Your Success" and "You Deserve the Best." On this highway people are trapped by a self-focused and self-important perspective. Everything is Me, me, me and I, I, I. If they hear about an event they immediately think "How will this affect me?" If they see something interesting or attractive, they think "I would love to have one of those." On the SIS, everybody goes in one direction. And that direction is "How can I gain more/How can I be happier?" Everybody is trying to find the exit ramp for the destination of happiness and personal gain, but they are frustrated because they can't find it. So they just drive faster, but they stay on the same highway. Everybody is searching for happiness, but the drivers aren't happy at all. They aren't enjoying the drive -- they’re mostly frustrated. Please understand that the people who drive on this highway don't think of ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/08/the_selfimportant_traveler.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/08/the_selfimportant_traveler.html buddhism Naikan self-reflection Mon, 06 Aug 2007 09:01:42 -0500 Working with Whatever Conditions We Encounter Janet Lipner had a realization recently. She attended a Tree Care program and after getting certified she helped to plant trees. She commented on all the factors that help a tree grow: depth and circumference of the hole, soil quality, water, etc . . But wherever you plant the tree, the tree has to deal with whatever condition it is planted in. This is really true of any kind of plant, since they cannot move or change their circumstances. But the tree doesn’t complain about it’s situation saying, “I should have been planted in a better spot, now I can’t grow well.” The tree does its best with what it gets. It’s easy for us to focus on how we were dealt a lousy hand in life and use that as constant source of complaint and excuse as to why we haven’t done better. This type of attitude contributes to our own suffering and to the suffering of others. In fact, by complaining like this we create conditions for the “trees” around us that make their lives more difficult. So perhaps we can take a lesson from our friends the trees and simply do our best with whatever situation we encounter. The conditions of our lives will always be less than ideal. But just to be planted on this earth for the short period of time we call ‘this life’ is truly a gift that we should continuously reflect on. Adapted from ONENESS, The Quarterly Newsletter of Bright Dawn www.brightdawn.org ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/working_with_whatever_conditio.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/working_with_whatever_conditio.html Fri, 22 Jun 2007 16:57:05 -0500 Father's Day Story: A Teddy Bear's Adventure at the Dump In 1999 the public radio show, This American Life, published an audio story of a man who went to extraordinary lengths to search for his 7 year old's lost teddy bear. It's a wonderful story, not only because it shows the dedication of a dad who would do almost anything for his child. But it also makes us aware of all the extraordinary things our dads did for us as kids that we didn't appreciate. Even if we said thanks we probably had no idea of what he really had to go through to make our lives a bit more comfortable or reduce some of the suffering that was our natural karmic consequence. This story (in audio format) is worth listening to (11 min long). It may inspire you to think of your own father and some of the reasons for honoring him this Father's Day. You can find it (and several other good stories) on This American Life's website: http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=132 If you have trouble with their audio player (we did) then you can listen to it below by clicking the PLAY arrow. The Father's Day story of a dad's extraordinary efforts to locate his son's lost teddy bear.
]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/a_teddy_bears_day_at_the_dump_1.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/a_teddy_bears_day_at_the_dump_1.html Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:40:59 -0500 Father's Day: Reflections on Dad and Cars A central theme in my relationship with my father was cars. It started, of course, further back than I can remember. Being driven around as a young child – to family gatherings and on errands and to doctors and restaurants. I didn’t get very far as a child without wheels and those wheels were paid for and often driven by my dad. At sixteen I obstinately decided that I was going to have my own wheels – no more sharing with my parents. I had saved some money and found a 1967 Mercury Cougar that was “cool” looking. It would have been a great car judged on looks alone, but its ability to get me from one place to another was severely hampered by a dysfunctional engine. Twice I blew a head gasket (major engine problem) while going with my girlfriend on an out-of-town excursion. Each time my dad showed up with his own car and a rented tow-bar to pull me home. Both rescue trips required about 2-3 hours travel one way. And after each break down my dad arranged for the mechanic at work to repair the engine at minimal cost. When I graduated high school my dad bought me a used Toyota Corolla as a gift. That got me through many of my college years and when I moved to Washington, D.C., my dad offered a sizable down payment on a brand new Celica. Once I was young, single and working you would expect the car legacy to end, but it didn’t. When I was twenty-five I had major knee surgery and my full leg cast couldn’t deal with the clutch in my manual shift Celica. My dad drove his own Buick all the way to Virginia and traded cars with me for six months. When my knee heeled, he drove the Celica to Cleveland from Chicago. I was visiting my girlfriend’s parents in Pittsburgh, so it was an easy drive to meet him there and reclaim my sporty car again. After ten years my Celica was ready for retirement. My eye caught sight of a car just recently introduced in the U.S. – the Acura (made by Honda). I bought a new Acura Integra and my dad again came up with the down payment that made it possible. In 1992 I moved to Vermont and got married. My Acura was still healthy, but my wife owned a ailing Toyota corolla that wasn’t going to survive New England winters and dirt roads in the Vermont hills. I found a used all-wheel drive Subaru near my old home in Virginia. My dad lent us the money and we traded the corolla to a local service station for a good pair of snow tires. We paid my dad back just in time to get a new loan from him on a new Subaru in 1995. We were now a two-Subaru family. By the time we were adopting our first daughter it was time to retire the older Subaru and get something “safe” for our child to ride in. My dad and I agreed that a used Volvo was the way to go. He spotted a 1992 Volvo Station Wagon in a parking lot at a train station in Chicago. He had it inspected, negotiated the sale, arranged for some minor repairs, and then drove it from Chicago to Vermont and delivered it to our home about 9 days after we returned from China with our baby daughter. The car came with another personal loan and the Van that followed (with our second child) came with a down payment from him. I acquired my driver’s license on my 16th birthday and ever since my dad has made the transition to the next car just a bit easier. Whether it was a down payment, a loan or door to door delivery I can’t look at, or look back at, a single vehicle that doesn’t somehow bear his stamp of generosity. Oh – and I almost forgot – he also taught me how to drive. Thanks Dad. Love, Gregg ]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/fathers_day_reflections_on_dad_1.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/06/fathers_day_reflections_on_dad_1.html Mon, 04 Jun 2007 14:21:34 -0500 Be Blessed! A Mother's Day Story Sarah Quigley is a poet, writer and author of The Little Book of Courage: A Three Step Process to Overcoming Fear and Anxiety (Conari Press, 2002).]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/05/be_blessed_a_mothers_day_story.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/05/be_blessed_a_mothers_day_story.html Fri, 11 May 2007 14:26:42 -0500 What is Thirty Thousand Days? One can live at a low flame. Most people do. For some, life is an exercise in moderation (best china saved for special occasions), but given something like death, what does it matter if one looks foolish now and then, or tires too hard, or cares too deeply? - Diane Ackerman Does Thirty Thousand Days seem like a long time? It may, until you consider how many of those days you've already used up. You see, thirty thousand days is (roughly) the average number of days available to each human being living in Western society. In 2002, when we renamed our journal. We searched far and wide for a name that would reflect the underlying message of the publication and the ToDo Institute. One evening, as we pondered possible names, Linda, my wife, recalled the introductory essay to a wonderful book, How to Use Your Eyes (Routledge, 2002) by James Elkins. In that essay he says , "Before I sat down to write the chapter on grass, I had never really paid attention to it. I guess I thought I could always do that sometime in the future, when I am retired and have time to spare." Elkins goes on to calculate how many days might remain for his opportunity to pay attention to grass. He starts with 30,000 days, but by the time he factors out the days he's used up (he's just over forty), and bad weather days, and seasons where the grass is either dead or not visible, he finds that there aren't that many opportunities left. In this mathematical moment, Elkins does what I hope this website will do. He inspires you to reflect on your life, to consider what it is you want to do, to not procrastinate, to pay attention to the world around you, and to wake up and find meaning and purpose in each moment of your life. So when you think of T h i r t y T h o u s a n d Days, we hope it will remind you to make wise choices about what you do with your time and your life. And we'll share with you practical tools and ideas for moving forward and making your dreams reality. We'll inspire you. We'll support you. And if you learn something valuable along the way, please support others by sharing your wisdom in the "Comments" section below. So here's a toast to our 30,000 days. Let's live in a way that is worthy of the gift of Life. In the words of Gandhi, let us "be the change we wish to see in the world." - Gregg Krech Editor, Thirty Thousand Days]]> http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/04/but_why_the_name_thirty_thousa.html http://www.todoinstitute.com/30KDays/2007/04/but_why_the_name_thirty_thousa.html Wed, 25 Apr 2007 13:24:18 -0500